A Conversation Regarding a Chicken Named Amy

Photo courtesy of Katie.

Three-year-old Hannah helped me put two very whole and very big and naked chickens in the freezer today.

Hannah: What are those?
Me: Chickens, honey. They're from Kate and Curt.
Hannah: They look ba-ucky! Why do we have them?
Me: We're going to eat them for dinner sometime. Isn't it nice to know where our food comes from? We know they lived on a very nice farm, they were taken care of well, and they will be nice and healthy for us to eat.

Hannah walks over to touch the bags with the clearly visible chickens inside. She crunches her nose up at me and gags a little to the point of almost throwing up.

Me: What's the matter Hannah?
Hannah: (mortified) IS THAT AMY?!? Are we going to eat AMY?!?

People, never EVER name your food. It is a really bad idea. I remember eating Nibbles and Ellie...ohh, the pain.

And, No. We will not be eating Amy. He (yes, he) is back at the farm with the ladies. Right, Kate?

TWILIGHT

Last night I partied like it's 1999. Well, not really, but I did go see the movie premier of Twilight at 12:10 am. I am too old to go to bed at 3:30 am and wake up by 7 am; my body hates me right now. Katie and I sat amongst a sea of cackling swooning girls and woman with a few men sprinkled in the mix. It's a strange thing being in a theater full of estrogen. Actually, it's absurdly annoying being trapped at the mercy of inappropriate laughter and the buzz of the loud whisper of the female voice. However, it didn't ruin my Twilight experience. I am not ashamed to admit that I am a compulsory steadfast fan.

While I'm not a movie critic expert, I'd like to express my obsessive thoughts on the film before I attempt to force it out of my mind completely (give me a week -- I am going to see the movie again!) First, I must say that Kristen Stewart rocked my world; she made the most perfect Bella Swan. I was skeptical at first after watching the trailers (I might add, over and over again.) The editing made her sound monotone and unemotional, but in the movie, she was perfect. You could get a really good sense of her deniable fear toward Edward that was overwhelmed by a sense of desire. She was awkward and clumsy, innocent yet not completely naive.

Stephanie Meyer purposely steered away from much physical description of Bella Swan which gave the readers, and ultimately the viewers, an easier way to step into and accept her character. We do know that Bella had dark brown hair and eyes and she was thin and pale. She was "normal" and unremarkable by any sense of the imagination except by Edward. In the book, the readers had an inkling that she must be more beautiful and amazing than her meek description, after all, Edward Cullen was in unequivocally in love with her. Kristen Stewart was a naturally beautiful Bella Swan just as I imagined.

I know the unrelentless controversy surrounding the character of Edward Cullen. Who could define for each Twilight fan the most impossibly beautiful man alive (or dead)? Bella describes him with perfectly angular features, bronze hair in casual disarray, and a dazzling crooked smile. For me, yes, Robert Pattinson was the flawless match. He has a unique look that is seductive and makes a girl want to look again, and the second look is to see if he's truly handsome or perhaps not so. It is part of a good recipe for curiosity which in turn makes a ideal Edward Cullen. He's a vampire. Bella shouldn't want him, but she does. It's almost onomatopoeic.

My only negative critique of Pattinson's portrayal is at the beginning of the movie when Bella walks into class and finds the only empty seat next to the mysterious Edward Cullen. Pattinson's reactions were too strong and almost comical. The entire theater laughed, and in the book, this wasn't a funny situation. After reading excerpts from Edward's version of the story in Midnight Sun, we know that Edward's inner turmoil was very serious. To be fair, perhaps it was just the nervous laughter and excitement in the theater. Perhaps, Pattinson was adding a bit of comic relief to the deathly and powerful feelings swimming in his head. I am anxious to see this scene again when the buzz dies down.

I was slightly disappointed with the cinematography of the film; it was very obvious that it was created on a low budget. The dazzle of Edward's skin in the sunlight was a particularly lame, as were the "special power" scenes of flying, running, jumping...etc. Unfortunately, the continuity director/editor missed many obvious mistakes. There were are few scenes where actors would be talking and lips weren't moving, or the committed classic blunder of misplaced of moved objects from scene to scene. Next time in New Moon, please throw in another mil and make things happen the right way.

With the picky letdowns, I am still a Twilight addict. Overall, despite the mistakes, this was irrevocably one of the best stories that I have seen on film. With that, I would like to share my four favorite scenes.

• The first favorite, of course, is the highly anticipated kiss.

It was innocent and passionate. With Bella's longing and Edward's thirst, it was a perfectly executed moment between the two actors.

• My second was the "meeting-the-family-for-the-first-time" scene. I won't go too much into it, because I don't want to ruin the fun for anyone. I will say that it was intense, nevertheless, it appropriately made the viewer almost uneasily comfortable with the Cullen family.
  
• My third favorite scene was when Bella was in the hospital after her "fall" down the stairs and out a window. Between us, Edward, and the rest of the Cullens, we know she just had been pounded by the vampire, James. When Edward told her that she should get away from him, the hurt desperation in Bella's actions and tone were gut-wrenching.
• In the second to the last scene, my final favorite, we find Edward and Bella at the prom dancing alone. Again I won't ruin it, but Robert Pattinson's expressions stabbed me right through the heart with a wooden stake. (We know in Twilight vampires can't really be killed that way!) I don't remember the exact quote but it was something like "Isn't it good enough for you to spend a lifetime with me?" Uggh, stab.
  

Obviously, I have a momentary obsession, and I could write more, and more, and more. Before I close, I do have one final thought.

Edward Cullen, bring on the shackles, I am your prisoner.

My Form of Calvinism

I have this comic that I've held onto for years....since November of 1995 to be exact.

It's my life's mantra.

In the first frame Calvin is shouting, “I'm in a very crabby mood, so everybody just leave me alone! I hate everybody.”

In the next two frames, Calvin stomps off; then he stops and looks around.

Finally in a small voice he says, “Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.”

For some reason, my hints still aren't recognized. Go figure.

I'm curious to know - Do you have certain words that seem to come up as a recurrent theme in your life? What are they?

Best In Show

Another question I've been asked: So what ARE YOU doing at a dog show?!? Have you become one of those crazy dog show people?

Did you ever see the movie "Best in Show?" Um, yeah - the dog show world is REALLY just like that. I'm not sure that "our kind" of people is represented in that movie (I'm not talking about ANY of the GERMAN SHEPHERD people. *wink, wink*), but many other lovely folks are! I would have added a few characters to the movie....(All fictitious of COURSE!)

• Jenny Monroe - A single frizzy haired lady in her mid 50's who continuously wears over sized shirts with embroidery of her particular breed. She is usually kind, and even tempered, however you might find her secretly poisoning the competitions water bowl.
• Marsha Hoberstalt - A 20 something professional handler who wears polyester suits with nylons on her spindly legs that are two shades darker than her pale skin. You'll find her with her dog's comb resting safely in her own greasy ponytail. Only if someone could give her a make-over...she might be beautiful.
• John Finklebard - A classy (in his own right) well respected gentleman in his early 60's. He always matches his outfits precisely; he wears a different color blazer and shoes each day of the week. A little bit quirky (he'd have to be to dress like that!), but knows absolutely everything about dogs.
• Michael Dugan - A handsome gay man who'd you hope to have as your eternal shopping buddy. Not only does he have a great sense of fashion and perfect hair, he also knows a lot about dogs too. Now why is he gay? So sorry ladies.
  

There, now that would make the movie complete.
AND THAT'S why we fell in love with the world of showing dogs. It's quirky, it's fun...it's so out-of-the-ordinary - it's so NOT ME or US, but we are in love.

In all seriousness, we have met some wonderful people! These folks are real, not ashamed of who they are, and very passionate about what they do. Sure, they might stab you in the back at some point of the game, but it's all okay, because they'll pick you up and dust you off later. They are the only people in the world who really understand our crazy dog dreams; they are supportive and have become like family. A crazy, silly, and sometime off-the-rocker-nuts and I-wish-I-could-shoot-you family....but a family at that. We love them for who they are, and we are grateful that they have accepted us as we are.

*just so you're not confused; yes, this post was on my other blog which I have now deleted...amending it slightly. Simplifying....it's so much nicer. :)

Dear Thirty Something,

I am feeling old.
Experience One --- Could you please be quite, I'm trying to sleep, and who the heck is that band?

I would l.o.v.e love to go to Cornerstone Music Fest this year. Some of my favorite "old time" bands will be there...Charlie Peacock, Degarmo and Key, The 77's, Lost Dogs, and Sixpence....and also my absolute favorite worship leader will be there - David Crowder. What an experience that would be.

The great speakers, the unforgettable music, the people their instant sense of community - Cornerstone is an awesome thing to be a part of. When I'm there, I experience joy at the deepest level. Passionate music and art created to glorify the Creator fuels my soul. I have always come away with a deeper love for Jesus and for the people around me.

Then reading down the list, there are those bands that I have never heard of; the ones with the really strange names. Who is Brother Red Squirrel? Or how 'bout Gasoline Heart? Or my favorite Our Corpse Destroyed. Do people really listen to these bands? Are they well known in their genre? Or am I just too stinkn' old to recognize musical genius when it's right in front of my face?

I'm remembering now....The hot July sun baking your skin to a scaly crisp, crabby people who are ready to kill for shade by the second day, camping on top of each other in the middle of a corn field, the sweet smell of mary jane coming from the next tent over (what?! Isn't this a Christian festival?), drinking ripe milk in your morning cereal because somebody forgot to get ice, cold showers that suddenly turn scalding hot, the stench of overfilled porta-potties, getting tipped over in an overfilled porta-potty, falling for snipe hunting every. single. year. (I'm half kidding), bands playing into the early morning hours while you're trying to get any amount of sound sleep, and dirt, dirt everywhere dirt...not your camping in the woods "clean" dirt, but dirty, people dirt dirty dirt....GA-ROSS (that would be a ga and a "r" with a long o sound followed by the "s"), and the worst, smelly boy armpits in the mosh pits that somehow you get stuck in even if you tried your darnest not to, and the "lake" that leaves you growing an extra toe or may cause you to glow in the dark... sounds like a little slice of heaven, huh?

With daily trips to the local Walmart to sit on a flush toilet and to pretend shop in the air conditioning, the heat is tolerable. And on the way back, a Dairy Queen flurry makes everything better. However, I do have one word of caution regarding an outside the grounds field trip. DO NOT eat at the Pizza Hut and furiously stuff your face with the world's greasiest pizza right before you return to the festival grounds. Let digestion take it's complete course while in the comforts of those automatic porcelain bowls. It really, really sucks (that's the understatement of the universe) sitting in a 105 degree jon for a half an hour. You begin to feel like you're going to faint right off the seat, and then visions of someone finding you dead with your pants down around your ankles face down in the urinal begin to fill your head. The stench begins to infiltrate every sacred space in your nostrils and lungs...you are going to die in there. However, there is one thing keeping you alive....good life-saving literature written in sharpie or etched right into the plastic wall. There's the "Jenny loves Doug" and "for a hot date call 555-555-5555" and my absolute favorite porta-potty graffiti "I was here, but now I'm gone...those who loved me loved me well..." you know the rest. God bless graffiti.

A recent conversation with a fellow Cornerstone veteran went something like this:

Hey Jami, we're going to Cornerstone this year! Did you see who is going to be there?! It's the 25th year of the fest so a lot of great bands will be there! (*ehem, I was there for that very first summer in Graylake at the Lake County Fairgrounds.)

Awww, really?! I would love to go again! The memories of C-Stone are held near and dear to my heart.
After searching the website, I asked my friend, Do you even recognize half of these bands?

Nope. But do you realize how old we actually are? We're not kids anymore.

I sat for a moment in pouty denial. Pooh. Rubbish. I am still a kid. Aren't I?

And then, with a deep knowing sigh, I gave in. I remember now why I don't go to Cornerstone anymore. I am too darn old and way too friggen crabby. I will not bake in a porta-potty, and I will NOT share MY shade with anybody. And I WILL sleep in the quite, and I will stay clean. Thank-you very much.

Cornerstone, have fun going on without me. I'll miss you....well, not really so much.

Amendment--to be fair--Some of my favorite C-stone memories in no particular order:

1. Curling my hair with a butane fueled curling iron.
2. Watching Jeff eat cold spaghetti-o's straight from the can.
3. Making the Canadian's say "Mickey Mouse" over and over again.
4. Having a life changing moment at the Violet Burning concert.
5. Listening to Rich Mullins sing his heart out.
6. Filming for Jacob's Ladder Christian Music Store.
7. Meeting the Fullman family.
8. Sitting back stage for Rez....it's all who you know. ;)
9. Loving the choir "Grace and Glory."
10. Crying on the way home.
11. Wishing life would be like that forever.
12. Learning that life isn't perfect, but very, very beautiful.

And, yes Jeff....we will bring our kids there someday. We will be the cool parents, because we are already. ;)

Dear Day After Cleaning the House Day,

It's a new day. I wanted to write today and tell you that....

I LOVE having a clean house. I love the sanitary smell of Lysol disinfectant and Orange Pledge. I love when there's not even one single dog hair on my furniture and rugs. I love squeaky clean bathtubs and shiny faucets. And I love the carpets with perfectly straight lines from my vacuum. After I clean, please don't come over and make carpet angels on my vacuum lines. That would just set me over the edge. Seriously. You know who you are.

The main floor of my home is covered in wide plank laminate flooring. It looks real enough that it takes a second glance to tell it's not wood. It's pretty nice, and I must say that I really like it. It saves me from my crazy vacuuming fetish (definition #2.) When it's clean, I really know it's clean. It's virtually indestructible which is an almost necessity with two hairy dogs and four messy kids. There is one thing, however, that drives me nuts about this floor - the never ending streaking. I don't mean running across the floor naked streaking (I'm sure that has happened on occasion by someone), I mean the long-smears-of-lines-especially-prominent-in-the-sunshine streaking. It happens no matter what kind of floor cleaning method I use. You're not "supposed" to mop a laminate floor nor swiffer wet jet - it shouldn't be made uncontrollably wet. I've tried it. Everything streaks....I've used all the internet methods of cleaning. I've used vinegar, window cleaner, alcohol (with a delicate mix of other nice chemicals), ....etc. IT.ALL.LEAVES.STREAKS. Streaks look dirty.

BUT GUESS WHAT? I have finally found the ONE cleaner that works miracles! Remember your best friend, Crystal? This one rocks my world and is MY new best friend. (There is also a formula for real wood floors.)Two great things about it: it leaves NO streaks, AND it's environmentally friendly. SA-WEET!


The day I love more than house cleaning day, is this day. The day after. When all life starts again. When my kids run inside with their melting snow and mud covered boots, when the dogs dribble water out of there slobbery mouths, when crumbs find there way miraculously out of the kitchen all over the living room floor, when little fingerprints slowly start to encroach on every space less than 3 feet high, when the mess starts all over. It's beautiful. It reminds me how life works. Things get messy, and God cleans us up only to let us get dirty again. It's his grace. And He teaches me, on this day, how to be graceful. He shows me how to relax and how to allow life to happen. I can take a break for a moment and remember how nice and clean things were yesterday. I can remember how everything was perfectly in it's place. But today is the day we live.

I like when things are clean, but I secretly enjoy watching and waiting for the next thing to come. It will come...spills, fingerprints, dog-hair, dirty laundry....kids will go off to school each morning, friends will stay and leave, dinners will be made, children will play, and I will forget how clean my house was on Sunday. I realize on this day that much more than dirt will be tracked in. Life and living are spread all over. It's what makes my house a home - clean or dirty.

Dear CRYSTAL,

Good Afternoon Dearest Crystal!

I'm a bit behind on the surprise...it has been your birthday now for over 11 hours, and I hope you'll forgive me for hijacking your blog.....and this in no way tops what you did for me on my 30th...but all I can do is try. ;)

Hi! Happy, Happy, Happy 30th Birthday! I am so glad that your mama gave birth to YOU on this very special day.

God breathed his miracle of life into a little baby girl on February 13, 1978, and he knew from the start that she was very special. She would change many lives along her journey: she would become a wife, a mother, a teacher, and a best friend. She is a constant reminder of the love and grace of Jesus Christ. She is deeply fervent about life and the place she holds in it.

I wish I knew her further back than 6 years (is that only how long it's been? I feel like I have known her a lifetime.) I can imagine what she was like as a little girl. I'm sure she was sweet, happy, cute-blondness, and maybe sometimes a little naughty (weren't we all?) And as a teenager, she was still sweet, yet flirty and precocious. She was wise to the world beyond her years, and I'm sure she had some fabulous times with wonderful experiences and growth. She also has some times of sadness and confusion, but she always held on to her joy.

I wish I could have been there when Emily was born. I wish I could have been there at her wedding - cheering her and Scott on; I would have told them that they were going to beat all odds against them. I would have told them that they were going to make it...that they will hang in there though the speed bumps, and Jesus would be all over them like a drier sheet and a staticy sock.

They have made it...and they've created a beautiful family. Crystal loves her husband with so much devotion and honor. I really want to emphasize the honor part. She loves him with ever fiber of her being, and she respects his integrity with unfaltering devotion. It's sincerely quite amazing to watch. Crystal will fight fiercely for her children. She protects them, she protects their hearts, and she guards their minds. She protects them by educating them. She teaches her children about freedom and liberty, and she teaches them about grace and Love.

I met Crystal at my women's small group, and we were instantly connected. Do you know that feeling of being so connected with someone else in heart and mind that you absolutely know that it was completely God willed? (And Stephanie willed;) .) It's great and wonderful when you feel that with your spouse or significant other, but I think God created women to really need each other. Just look at Ruth and Naomi (from the Bible, in case you didn't know) or Anne and Diana (Anne of Green Gables). It's a wonderful thing when God allows a few of those women in your life. Friends that you know that will be there with you till the end, with you when you screw up, when you cry, or when you heart breaks, or when you have so much joy in your heart and you want to share it with only them. That's the power of a God given friendship.

I've been able to travel with Crystal along her journey, and she with me for about 6 fantastic years. I thank God for every minute of it. We've laughed so long and hard that I'm sure one of us has tinkled a bit in our pants, and we cried those deep sobs where you can barely catch your breath.

Our most important journey this far has been heartbreaking, but Crystal has most gracefully endured. No matter the pain in her heart and how desperate she is to give up , she always wonderfully-with wonder and awe-perseveres. I was reminded again today of God's miracles. Looking back through some photos of Emily, I began to weep. This part of her journey wasn't just a gravel road; it was a mud covered, pot-holed two track, and they drove through with a mini-van that's almost out of gas. We are still on that road, but I think we've hit some sort of pavement...and miraculously the tank is full of gas again. God is really good. He holds our hearts ever so gently. And Crystal has allowed him to wrap his arms around her with the many people who love her dear family.


I am so privileged to be a traveler with you on this journey of life. It's amazing isn't it?

Happy 30th Birthday, my friend. Happy, Happy Birthday.

(P.S. I tried to add pictures, but blogger is being fickle, and my 3 year old is sitting on me grabbing my face saying "I want some-ting to eat!" So, hopefully pictures will be on here soon, maybe.)